I must be a fool to think I will ever loose weight, I'm beginning to think I'm destined to be this size forever now. Yet again another week is over and I've achieved nothing, last week I said I hoped to begin the couch to 5k. However, I've still not. I've had no childcare as all my plans went to pot so therefore I've been stuck in the house with a screaming poorly toddler, oh then a grumpy school aged when hes back.
I always used to say I'm obviously happy with how I look because I don't do anything about it, I've tried many times to loose weight and failed miserably each time. I always begin well and then fail. However, I currently hate the way I look, hate my 5000 chins, hate my wobbly belly and certainly hate how unfit I am. I look back at older photos thinking it will inspire me but it doesn't, it makes me even more miserable. Jack even put his head on my tummy the other day and randomly came out with 'wibble wobble jelly belly', no one has ever mentioned anything to him yet he thinks I've a jelly belly. Oh, then there was when I got described as a 'large build lady', all of this should be encouraging me to loose but I'm more miserable, and do you know what happens when I'm miserable, I reach for snacks and I don't mean fruit.
I think right now, I'm trying to balance too much, trying to sort out a work/home balance, trying to dedicate the time to my blog which I miss along with trying to loose weight. Then there is trying to keep the children and pets happy along with a clean and tidy house. I think everything is just getting to much, I'm still not finding time to eat properly or drink correctly and I'm just pushing myself heavier and heavier on the scales.
So, at this moment in time, I hate the body I am living in but I'm still struggling so much to make the changes I need too. I live in hope that one day, I will be back to being happy with how I look.